I find you in the perfume left on the pillow,
In the smell of freshly washed hair.
I find you between warm sheets and moist lips,
In-between books and fantasies.
I find you when I don’t want to hide;
When I am brave, after I survive.
I find you in the morning air – silence –
In the cigarettes I roll but not within the smoke.
I find you when I laugh, when I smile,
When I cry, when rain sings over the sun that shines.
I find you in the waves of the ocean,
In the cold sand at night
And in the wind that blows through
Every memory I have.
But I smell you in my bruises,
In crispy blood traces.
I feel you in-between broken teeth and poisonous bites,
Between bliss and horror.
I see you when all I want to do is disappear.
When I am not brave, when I don’t survive,
I hold you in the void of the night (noise),
In the smoke I gush out after a hit.
I bleed you when I’m reckless,
When the moon is full and shines.
I carry you in the tall trees from the forests,
In the graves under
And within the party craze I miss.
The earthquakes of repressing what I feel,
When I wake up from my dreams.

(Alexandra Crisbășan)